Leading youth to control themselves
written by Dayton clubhouse director Randall Wilcox
One of the main themes of this summer has been “Control yourself, so others don’t have to.” In life we find that sometimes the only thing we can control is ourselves. Once you know the rules the choice is yours regarding whether you choose to follow them or not. This is something we really try to get our members to understand at the Dayton clubhouse (the best Boys & Girls Club in Dayton).
Choosing not to follow the rules – the key word being choosing – can lead to others being put in charge of your privileges, and in some cases, even your rights can be taken away in an effort to provide you and others with an incentive to choose to follow the rules in the future. Stealing, lying, and cheating are all choices one makes. But, because it’s a choice, it is possible to not engage in those behaviors.
When dealing with members who have made a mistake by not following a rule, we ask them to identify the thoughts that led to the action. What in the situation was in their control and what was not? How could you have handled the situation differently? If it is felt that an outside influence was the cause of their behavior, we explore how that influence impacted their ability to control their actions.
A situation we face from time to time is members playing tag in the building. This leads to members explaining that someone was chasing them, therefore they had to run. Once it is explained that no one can chase you if you don’t run, members in most cases are able to make the connection that the choice to run was in their control. Therefore, they are as responsible for the situation.
The phrase “Control yourself, so others don’t have to” is often used. There have been times when members have come to staff excited that they did not take advantage of a situation because they decided to control their actions. This led to them being rewarded for exhibiting behavior. To me and all the staff here, that is a great representation of their Boys & Girls Club.
Controlling oneself when it comes to their actions is sometimes a challenge, but the benefits of doing so are worth the thought and effort. When our members adhere to the rules here at the Club, it prepares them for a future in a world where not doing so can and will lead to greater negative consequences than losing the privilege of going outside or playing the PS5.
“Every act of self-control leads to a sense of self-respect.” -Abraham Low