Building Trusting Relationships with Youth
by Michaela Lyman, director of the Silver Springs clubhouse
Building trust with kids is like planting a garden. It takes time, patience, and consistent care, but the rewards are incredible! Through my years of being a staff member of the Club, I’ve learned a great deal about how important it is for children to feel seen, valued, and safe enough to open up. When we build trust, kids feel comfortable sharing with us about what is on their minds and hearts. So here are tips for building strong, trusting connections with kids. Don’t worry, it’s not as scary as you might think.
Show Up Regularly (And with a Smile)
Consistency is huge. Kids need to see that you will show up, no matter what. This doesn’t always have to mean being physically present alone; it means showing up mentally, too. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, coach, or a Club staff yourself, let them know that when you are there, you are all in. Greet them with a genuine smile, ask them about their day and really listen. When kids know you’re always around and feel that you take a genuine interest in the things that are happening in their lives, they start to trust that you are in it for the long haul.
Be Real – Kids Spot Fake a Mile Away.
One of the best ways to build trust is to just be yourself. Kids have an uncanny ability to tell if someone is putting on a front, so be genuine. Share age-appropriate stories about your life, especially times when you didn’t have everything figured out. This helps kids see you as a real person rather than just another adult telling them what to do. If they ask questions, be honest. Admitting that you don’t have all of the answers shows that you’re human and build mutual respect.
Don’t Judge – Listen Instead.
Kids who are struggling at home, in school or socially often feel like they’re constantly being judged. They’re used to hearing about what they did wrong, so when someone comes along who just listens without criticism, it’s like a breath of fresh air. If they’ve made a mistake, don’t jump straight into giving advice. Ask open-ended questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you think you could do next time?” By listening, you give them the space to reflect without the fear of judgment, which builds trust in a big way.
Celebrate Their Wins – Even the Small Ones.
Kids love having a cheerleader, and celebrating their small wins is an excellent way to build trust. Did they finish a tough homework assignment? High-five! Did they resist the urge to get into a fight? That’s AWESOME! Kids who struggle are often focused on what they do wrong, so when you recognize what they’re doing right, it shows them that you believe in their potential. Over time, they’ll start believing in it too.
Be Patient and Persistent.
Building trust with kids, especially those who’ve had tough experiences, can take time. Kids might push back, test limits, and take time to open up. Don’t let that discourage you! Stay consistent, be patient, and don’t give up on them. Kids remember the adults who didn’t walk away when things got challenging. Over time, they’ll realize that you’re a steady presence they can count on.
At the end of the day, building a trusting relationship with kids isn’t about grand gestures or fancy words. It’s about showing up, listening and celebrating who they are. When you put in the effort, kids will feel it – and trust me, the bonds you build are the ones they’ll carry with them for life.